CONNECT · COMMUNICATION

Conflict Styles

Understand how you and others may pursue, avoid, escalate, appease, shut down, or collaborate during conflict.

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COMMON CONFLICT STYLES

How people may respond under pressure

Pursue

Chasing resolution

Urgency, repeated contact, or intense discussion is used to reduce uncertainty quickly.

Avoid

Delaying or withdrawing

Conflict is escaped, postponed, minimised, or ignored.

Escalate

Increasing intensity

Volume, blame, criticism, threats, or pressure rise to gain control.

Appease

Keeping the peace

Needs and views are abandoned to stop tension or prevent rejection.

Shut down

Losing access to response

The person becomes silent, numb, confused, or unable to continue.

Collaborate

Working through the issue

Both people stay specific, listen, regulate, negotiate, and repair.

CYCLE AWARENESS

Styles can trigger each other

A common pursuit-withdrawal cycle

  • One person feels distance and pursues harder.
  • The other feels pressure and withdraws further.
  • Urgency increases.
  • Both people feel less safe and less understood.

A healthier interruption

  • Agree on a pause with a return time.
  • Regulate separately.
  • Write down the key issue.
  • Return with one request each.
  • Use a boundary if the cycle becomes harmful.
TOOLS

Change the conflict pattern

Explore

Conversation Planner

Plan the issue, timing, wording, and return point.

Open page →Explore

Regulate

Support your nervous system before continuing conflict.

Open page →Explore

Pattern Tracker

Observe the sequence that repeats between you.

Open page →
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YOUR NEXT STEP

The goal is not to eliminate conflict

The goal is to handle difference without fear, control, humiliation, abandonment, or repeated damage.

Plan a better conversationGo to RegulateTrack the cycle